As human beings, it’s important once in a while to take some time and reflect on a past event or situation, and to think about whether it’s positive or negative. When a person experiences an unexpected situation, especially if it involves the death of a loved one to violent crime, it can cause a lot of stress, sadness, anger, guilt and anxiety. The trauma of the death and the troubling thoughts of the violent event can remain with the survivor for a long time. From my personal experience, I have learned that losing a loved one unexpectedly through an anticipated death causes pain and sadness. When a loved one’s death is anticipated, there is time to prepare for their death and to say to them “I love you” prior to their death. However, a sudden death of a loved one can be shocking and stunning. In a situation like the murder of a loved one, it is hard to absorb the reality that a he or she has died as a result of a violent crime, especially if this person is the sole provider for the family. Consequently, a person may find it very difficult to understand why the death occurred as it did. Finally, I have learned that the trauma that is associated with losing someone to a violent crime can remain with a person for a long time. I have also learned that loved ones can be taken away without warning. In an effort to avoid flashbacks of the traumatic memories, I avoid doing anything associated with the trauma. I also avoid participating in activities or going to places that would bring back those bad memories.

What reactions did you have that surprised you?

My reaction to the situation was that I was completely shocked and stunned by the news that my loved one has been killed in a violent crime. Other reactions I have that surprised me was emptiness, grief and loss, fear and anxiety, feeling of self-blame, nightmares and problems sleeping. I also experienced difficulty concentrating or remembering. I was saddened and in complete disbelief that I lost a love one without warning and without being able to say to them “I love you” or “goodbye”. I found it very difficult to comprehend what events possibly could have transpired that led to their death. The death does not make sense to me and I find it very difficult to understand that it actually happened and that the person has died. To my surprise, I feel physical and emotional symptoms as I try to deal with the feelings of the loss and grief. However, looking at the situation in another way around, this experience had made me appreciate life and the life of those around me.